So you’ve spotted a girl out in public that you want to get to know, but you don’t know how. Maybe you’re shy or considered “socially awkward” by most, or maybe just not really into the whole “dating game” and don’t really know how to approach someone that you’re attracted to. Cold approaching anyone can be a tough process, especially if you’re unsure of how to start a conversation. However, it’s possible to cold approach a girl and have the interaction go fairly smoothly.

Understand women. While it can be quite tough to understand women (even for women themselves), gaining an understanding of women and how they think is vital to approaching them in any way. Everyone’s heard the stories of trying – and failing – to impress a stranger that you want to get to know, and effectively ruin your chances. If you want to be able to effectively cold approach a girl and have the approach go smoothly, it’s crucial to understand her beforehand. While there’s no way of generalizing women and how they think, there are a few things you can recall to improve your chance of the cold approach going well.

• Many women prefer long-term relationships over hookups, and can tell which one a guy wants. Chances are, if you approach a girl solely to have sex with her, she’ll know what you’re up to.
• Arrogance and playing yourself up to be “manlier” than you really are will backfire, as many women are interested in people who care about the feelings of others. She’ll also discover it eventually if you were faking masculinity.
• Women are often emotion-based, so it’s important to be sensitive and put yourself in her shoes. If you say something rude, she won’t appreciate it.
• While many women want to find a partner, they often prefer friendships first. It’s best to approach a girl with the intent of making a friend, not getting a date.

Tune up your social skills. While it’s important to have some social skills before approaching anyone, women in particular have some finer social nuances than others may pick up on. There are exceptions, of course, but many women prefer to be treated respectfully and as though they’re being approached for more than just how they look. While it takes a lot more than just knowing how to have a good conversation to tune up your social skills, here are a few things to keep in mind when approaching girls for a conversation.

• Avoid calling women terms like “b*tches”, “sl*ts”, “wh*res”, or any other terms considered derogatory towards women. Avoid swearing, as well. This will turn many girls away from you.
• Don’t comment on her body. Unless you’re out at a club, you’re not going to get a girl to want to go anywhere with you if the first thing you comment on is her breasts or butt – or any other part of her, for that matter, as you may creep her out. Try to avoid commenting on her body, especially with your opening lines.
• There’s a fine line between flirting and sexual harassment. However, nobody likes to be sexually harassed. A woman who looks uncomfortable towards your sexual advances or asks you to stop does not want you to keep making those comments, and you may be sexually harassing her.
• Show respect, above all. Treating anyone – male or female – like they’re lesser than you will not only make you seem callous and dismissive, but it will also drive most people away from you (girls included) when they see how you treat others.

Be confident. It’s very important that you are confident. Confidence is not only attractive, but also gives you courage to approach and carry out a conversation with a girl you just met. Thinking negatively and bashing yourself for mistakes you’ve made in previous cold approaches doesn’t help; just use those experiences to prepare yourself for now. Show that you’re sure of what you’re doing, and that you don’t doubt yourself. Many people love others who are confident.

• Reader Poll: We asked 1713 wikiHow readers, and 67% agreed that the best way to show confidence when meeting a girl is making eye contact and smiling. [Take Poll]

Don’t worry about what people will think of you. Yes, it’s a cliché, but there will always be people who’ll dislike you and what you do. A big part of confidence is living the way you want to, despite whether or not it’s the way others want you to live. If you stop focusing so much on what other people think of you (including the girls you’re approaching!), it’ll make you much happier and more confident.

• Be aware that some people may have very valid concerns, so at least take the time to listen to them and consider them. In particular, if female friends or family members are giving you warnings, take note and heed them. Girls often know what other girls like and don’t like.

Know that you’re taking a chance, but it’s not a big one. If you’re nervous about cold approaching a girl, you may ruminate about “what-ifs”, such as “What if I catch her at a bad moment?” or “What if she’s rude and calls me a name?”. Remember, though: you can’t read her mind. You don’t know how she might react when you approach her, so you have to be willing to take risks. Being afraid to approach girls just because of the “what-ifs” may prevent you from approaching girls and seeing if any of those “what-ifs” are actually true!