How to Get a Girl to Like You when She Has a Boyfriend

If the girl you like already has a boyfriend, pursuing a relationship with her can get complicated. Not only is she more likely to reject you than she would be if she were single, but you’ll likely have to deal with resentment from her current boyfriend. If you really care for her and want to give it a shot anyway, first consider the risks and benefits. Once you’re ready to approach the girl, take it slowly and treat her with consideration and respect. If it does work out, be prepared to put in some hard work to build a strong relationship!

Before you make any moves, consider why you want to go after someone who’s already in a relationship. Do you genuinely care about this girl and have her best interests at heart? Do you really believe she’d be happier with you than she is in her current relationship? If not, stop and seriously consider whether pursuing a relationship with her is really a good idea.

For example, if you’re trying to win her over just because you enjoy a challenge or because you want to get back at her current boyfriend for something, you’re probably not going to end up with a very happy or fulfilling relationship.

Let’s face it—you probably won’t be winning the girl over if she’s head-over-heels in love with her current boyfriend. But if she seems bored with her relationship or you see signs that he’s not treating her right, you may have a chance. Without acting like you’re prying too much, try to get a sense of how she is really feeling about her relationship.

If you have the opportunity, try observing how your crush and her boyfriend seem together. Do you notice a lot of tension and awkward silences? Does he snap at her or put her down? Or do you see tons of laughter, smiles, and physical affection?
It can also be helpful to talk to one of the girl’s close friends about how her relationship is going.

Look for signs that she’s interested in you. If the girl you like doesn’t like you back at least a little bit, you’re not going to make much headway. Before you try to make a move, look for signals that the attraction is mutual.For example, does she:

Make a lot of eye contact when you talk to her?
Laugh and smile a lot when she’s with you?
Look for opportunities to spend time with you?
Open up to you easily?
Touch you frequently?

Getting romantically involved with a girl who already has a boyfriend will automatically create a bunch of problems for your relationship.Before you attempt anything, consider:

Are you ready to deal with the pain that your actions will probably cause for her current boyfriend, and possibly for you and her as well?
Are you confident that you will be able to build a stronger relationship with her than the one she already has?
If she’s willing to leave her current boyfriend for you, are you prepared for the possibility that she might leave you for someone else in the future?

Spend time with her as a friend. Before you start making any moves, take some time to get to know the girl. This will not only give her a chance to warm up to you, but will also give you a better idea of whether this risky relationship is worth pursuing. Look for opportunities to hang out with her and do fun things together, without any romantic expectations.

To make her feel more at ease, try inviting her out with other friends at first. That way, she won’t feel like you’re trying to ask her out on a date right away.
For example, you might invite her to a party or a group movie night.

Treat her with respect. Remember that this girl is a fellow human being, not a potential conquest. Take her—and the fact that she’s already in a relationship—seriously. If she’s uncomfortable with anything you’re doing, respect her boundaries and back off.

For example, if she says, “Hey, I don’t like the way you poke fun at my boyfriend,” don’t get defensive. Just apologize and stop doing it.

Let the girl know you value and appreciate her by showing a genuine interest in her when you hang out. Keep up your side of the conversation, but let her do most of the talking. When she says something, follow up with a question to let her know that you’re listening actively to what she has to say.

For example, if she says that she wants to become a doctor, don’t just say, “Oh, cool,” and move on. Ask her something like, “How did you get interested in medicine?”
Don’t spend the whole conversation planning what you’re going to say next. Instead, focus on what she’s saying and respond to that.
Put away your cell phone and any other distractions when you’re together.

If you can allow yourself to be a little vulnerable with her, the girl will have a better idea of who you are and where you’re coming from. By opening up to her, you can also show her that you trust her and feel comfortable with her.

For example, you might share a secret with her, admit to a flaw, or let her see you put yourself on the spot by trying something new.
Don’t be afraid to let her see you get a little emotional. For example, if you’re watching a sad movie together and you get a bit choked up, don’t try to hide it from her!